Instructions to the child Big Earl once was.

1 You are going to take quite a few for the team. You are the oldest. As such you are going to be the practice child. Mom and Pop, particularly Pop, are going to try to make you into the perfect child. That ain’t gonna happen. The good news for you is that you will come out of this incredibly tough. You will have a high pain tolerance. It will also take a shit load to rattle you. Remember that if something doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.

2 You will not believe this one. I am not sure of this even now. But I am going to tell you because Mom told me in the last year before she died. Pop loved you, possibly more than he did your brothers. I’m not sure if I believe it. However I am sure Mom believed it.

3 Just because Mom does not save you too when she runs out of the house with the others does not mean she doesn’t love you. When she screams at Pop, “You can have him, but you will never get these boys”, she is just saving the ones that she can. Mom knew that if she tried to take you she would end up getting all her boys hurt. Always treat Mom with love and respect, because not saving you will eat at her for years. Sometimes, my boy, nothing you can do can save somebody you love from pain.

4 When Pop tells you he is going to teach you to catch, it is going to hurt. He will have you stand in front of a fence and throw fast balls at you until you can catch them. You can stop some of the pain by putting the glove he puts on you in front of you. You are going to get knocked out and then stood back up to start again. Try hard boy. The faster you catch a few balls the faster it will be over. Pop will only throw balls at you for a few days. When he finally tells you that he wishes he had a better boy, it will all be over. You will never learn how to catch.

5 Not everything Pop does turns out quite like he envisions. His teaching method for reading is amazingly harsh. He will have you read out loud. If you miss a word he will beat you. He won’t tell you how to say the word you missed, but when you get it right you won’t get hit. Now I know that by the time you start reading well you will be really used to being beaten. But what he is trying to do is make sure you don’t end up as just another dumb shit Indian in Oklahoma. What he will do is end up with a son that has a lifelong love of reading. Read everything. Books will let you escape from the world you are trapped in.

6 I don’t know how to warn you about the next little jewel in your childhood. I don’t even know if I should warn you. But I have to give you a chance. One day, on your way home from first or second grade, a bunch of older Indian kids will come up to you when you stop your bike. Run. Ride like your Father is chasing you with his favorite 2x4 paddle. Do your best to get away. It probably won’t work, but please try. If you stop or get caught things are going to get very bad, very quickly. I don’t know if these boys are after you or if you are just the lucky sumbitch they find. But they are going to take you into the woods between our house and Stebbin’s Field. Once they get you out there, they will beat and kick you until you are unconscious. They will wake you up by pissing in your face. When you wake up, these sterling examples of our Native American culture will bury you neck deep in a hole and proceed to ride you bike by your head, hitting you in the face as they go by. This is not nearly as much fun as it sounds here. After they get tired of this fun they will take your bike and leave you. Buried up to your neck in the woods. I have no clue how long it take the people looking for you to find you. I do know it will be well after dark. And I know that they will use dogs to find you. I also know that the dogs will get to you well ahead of the searchers. They will lick you and start barking and baying. This will scare you so much that it will take years before Mom and Pop will be able to get the rest of the boys a dog. All I can tell you is if you don’t get away at the start, the dogs are there to help. I can tell you that a whole lot of your life is going to be tied to this one day. May the various Gods have mercy on the souls of those fucking assholes.

7 Not everything I have to tell you is bad. When you are eleven, a babysitter watching your brothers is going to tell you she has to make sure you are clean in the shower. Trust me on this one, slick. You are going to enjoy this shower. And she has three or four friends that are going to become very good friends of yours. Life, as they say, is about to become very good for you.

8 You are going to fall in and out of love so many times in your teen years, you will lose count. One word of advice. When you decide to sell a girlfriend in high school, stand her on a table in the lunch room. The guy you sell her to ends up marrying her and, as of your twenty fifth class reunion, they stay together. This may be the only time in your life when you do something outrageous and it turns out wonderful for everyone concerned. I wish I could tell you that you will be a good husband. You won’t be. You will make up for it by being a fairly good father. Of the one wife, one child kind.

9 Keep trying to do the right thing. This is not going to be your strong suit. But try anyway. You are going to develop a very strong sadistic streak. As much as I hate to be the one to tell you, you will really enjoy causing pain. Mom will watch you break both a guys arms one night in a bar. It will end up making you the only child of hers she fears. I know folks would like me to tell you seek other outlets for these urges, but I will not. Being the baddest sumbitch in a fight will save your life on at least two occasions before you reach twenty years old. Go to the number one titty bar in Ft Worth and ask to become a bouncer. When they tell you to beat up the biggest guy you ever saw, don’t let him know what is coming. Sucker punch him and kick the crap out of him while he is down. He will beat the piss out of you later, but you will get the job. And taking a beating is not as hard as it seems. Over the next five or six years you will get laid by well over three to four hundred different girls. Waitresses and strippers because they are told to jump any bouncer with a hard on and the girls that go to the bar because that gets them free drinks and admission.

10 One more thing. When you are almost seventeen, Pop will ask you about all the implements of destruction you put on your bed before you go to the bar one night. Then he will kick you out. Stay in school. And don’t expect anything when you graduate from high school. What you do get, you won’t much like. Guys who want to have an in at the bar, girls who want to get introduced to musicians and friends will give you places to live and the bar will feed you twice a day. Not to mention the free booze, a pretty good Doctor who will sew you up when it is necessary and hot and cold running strippers. Life, as you know it, will be incredible for several years. Also knowing every really good dope dealer in North Texas will end up with you getting all your stash for free.

Your life will be filled with great highs and heartbreaking lows. Go for it.